What happens when couples who are working to build their legacy aren’t exactly on the same page about what’s best for their family? How do you bring two different perspectives together? Estate planning disconnects can occur with couples who are happy in their marriage or partnership and lifestyle, as well as to those who are not. So, why the lack of alignment?
You See Life Related to Your Early Experiences
Your family upbringing influences the way you see life. If you grew up in an affluent family, you may spend money more liberally than someone from a less affluent family, or a family that shares different values. Without thinking about it, you may expect the same privilege for your own children. It may distress your partner to see money spent in a way that they see as excessive or not in alignment with their values.
Many parents don’t reflect on how hard times helped them become stronger and want to protect their children from hardship. Without a conversation on upbringing, I find people often aren’t aware of the deep feelings they have – and even less aware of their partner’s.
Your Values Aren’t the Same
Whether you realize it or not, your values silently play an important role in the way you view life and commonly shape your priorities. Many couples find it challenging to talk about their values and make decisions that honor them. Understanding each other’s values helps you see the current reality of your situation more clearly. When it comes to family, only one person’s perspective is incomplete, and doesn’t reflect the whole picture.
Sometimes We Don’t Understand, So We Stop Communicating
Most people dislike conflict and would rather suffer the pain of silent disagreement. They think they’ll keep peace in the family by avoiding this discussion. But this can lead to destructive future consequences.
Proud or Humble?
It’s human nature to want our own way. Sometimes we become defensive if challenged and close our mind to possibilities. As we meet with estate planning families, we find that many conflicts can be resolved with a listening ear and a humbler attitude. As impartial advocates we help families ease worries and spark conversations that help you prioritize your intentions and evaluate your estate planning options so you can make more informed decisions.
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